


Monday Nights Are Butcher's Nights

by AsagiStilinski



Series: YOI Spooky Week 2019 [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Alternate Universe - Zombies, Blood and Violence, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Character's Name Spelled as Yuri, Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Established Relationship, Gore, Humor, Killing, M/M, Married Couple, Married Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Married Life, Mild Gore, Neighbors, Vampire Victor Nikiforov, Vampires, Violence, Zombies, zombie Katsuki Yuuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-04 11:51:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21197204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsagiStilinski/pseuds/AsagiStilinski
Summary: Yuko has lived next to the Katsukis for about a year now, and they're the most kind but... boring people she had ever met in her entire life....To be fair though, she doesn't know that they eat people





	Monday Nights Are Butcher's Nights

**Author's Note:**

> Spooky Week day 1 prompt 1- "Monsters/zombies"

Yuko hated rain

Well, that wasn't entirely accurate

She liked it well enough on quiet nights when she was safely inside her house and had nothing to do and absolutely no reason to leave, but on nights like tonight...

It wouldn't have been that bad if they had turned the Halloween lights off earlier like they were supposed to, but now she was stuck trying to turn them off in the middle of a rain storm so that they wouldn't be on all night- and, additionally, trying to save some of the more delicate decorations from the water by covering them up

It wasn't fun

Cursing under her breath, she carefully angled the umbrella between her cheek and her shoulder and started zip-tieing a plastic bag over one of the cloth reapers to keep it from getting any more wet than it already had gotten, and as she was doing this, she heard something coming from the house next door

Frowning a little bit, she turned her attention towards the house, a little... _alarmed_.... by the fact that the couple next door were getting home so late

She had known Viktor and Yuri Katsuki since they first moved in about a year ago, and they were incredibly respectfull neighbors

Also incredibly dull and boring in terms of gossip or anything scandalous

They were sort of the definition of an old married couple except that they were her age, but in terms of personality....

She had married her childhood sweetheart, but even _she_ had never seen two people so wildly devoted to eachother and uninterested in anyone else

They owned a restaurant together- just a small place on the outskirts of the city, about a fifteen minute drive from the neighborhood- and drove a mini van- well, Yuri did, Viktor had a pink Cadillac but they usually drove the van, the Cadillac seemed to be reserved for special occasions

They had a little poodle shaped lawn ornament on the porch that sported a new bandanna every week as well as the occasional seasonal decoration like a Santa hat around Christmas or a little heart headband for Valentine's Day- and speaking of poodles, they had two, a standard- Makkachin- and a toy- Vicchan- who had matching walking vests and leashes

Viktor and Yuri walked them every morning and every evening, side by side, waving to neighbors as they went

Yuri's closet seemed to consist of a few decent peices of formal clothing and then devolved into nothing but jeans, sweatpants, comfy sweaters, and graphic t-shirts, wile Viktor's was a sliding scale sitting between the poles of "Armani" and "Florida tourist who has yet to get back from vacation"

They had a welcome mat on the porch that said "Please wipe your paws" and featured paw prints all over it, and Yuko had once heard Yuri call the mailman by his first name

She couldn't recall ever seeing them out past ten o'clock P.M. and they were more up to date on the latest episodes of "Supergirl" than they were about any local gossip, more invested in what was happening with "Frozen 2" than they were in hearing about the latest celebrity scandal

She had gone by once to give them a package that had been misdelivered to her and been promptly invited in for cookies- wich were freshly baked and served on china setting that had little snowflakes on it

The worst fight she had ever heard them having was a disagreement about how many boxes of Girl Scout Cookies were too many and calling that a fight was alot like calling a hamster a dangerous wild animal

They liked swimming in the summer- though, only in the cooler evenings, avoiding the hot afternoons- and always brought a cooler of popsicles down to the neighborhood pool with them

Viktor often had a big black parisol with him for "when the sun got to be a little too much of a hater" and Yuri seemed to stress-eat baby carrots and 90-calorie mini cookies like it was a profession but she figured that everyone had their quirks

...

These two just had a few more than average, that was all

They had been talking her ears off for months about preparing to welcome their first child into the home and went about asking questions the way prospectors probably drilled for oil but she couldn't hold it against them, she remembered being that way as a new mom too

Over all, they were the most outlandishly bland- although kind, sweet, and considerate- people she had ever met

The most scandalous thing that she could ever remember happening was Viktor playing a Rupaul song wile he hung their rainbow flag up over the garage and that hit a solid "minus one" on the scandal scale as far as she was concerned

Her reason for reflecting on all of this at midnight on a Monday in October, wile trying to cover Halloween decorations in the rain, was that it was more than a little odd that the Katsukis were only just getting home, and, at that, were dragging a couple of huge peices of luggage into the house with them

It was.... _weird_

Any thoughts that they had been out celebrating or at some kind of social event were diminished by the giant black fabric bags that Yuri was fishing out of the trunk of the van and helping Viktor carry into the house, and, as per usual, her curiosity got the best of her

"Hey guys!!" she called cheerfully, zip-tying officially done as she stood up and waved down the hill at her neighbors

The boys paused for a moment, tense, before turning their attention back to her

_"Hey Yuko! What are you doing out this late?"_ Yuri called back

"Trying to save Halloween from the rain, you?"

_"We went out of town earlier to get some restaurant supplies, the rain caused a traffic delay and we only just got back!"_ Viktor shouted over his husband's shoulder

Oh......

Well she supposed that made sense

"Ah... need some help? Wile I'm already out here getting soaked?"

_"That's so nice of you!!!! But we've got it, really, this is some heavy industrial stuff so we wouldn't want you trying to lift it, you could get hurt!"_

Well that explained the size....

"Ok, I'm going back in then, have a good night guys, see you tommorrow!!"

A couple of shouts of "See you!" were heard and Yuko finally made her way back inside, though.. she couldn't help wondering.....

If that stuff was heavy industrial equipment, why were they taking it into their house and not to the restaurant...?

~+~

"Dammit, this is the last time we do this without stopping for a snack,"

Yuri was panting, a tremor going through his body as he slung the bag on the kitchen floor gracelessly

"I'm sorry zolotse, are you doing alright?" Viktor asked quietly, walking up to gently place a hand on Yuri's back and rub a few slow, soothing circles into his husband's tight muscles

"I'm fine... just.... getting light-headed... that's all...."

Viktor hummed softly in understanding, giving Yuri a kiss on the cheek

"Well, go on and eat ok? I never should have let you go so long without food, you're right, I can get the others out of the car myself,"

"Are you sure?" Yuri asked softly

"Positive my love, please go on, I don't want you to pass out from hunger or get sick or anything, ok?"

Nodding slowly, Yuri gave Viktor a quiet "thanks" before moving to the kitchen drawer and grabbing the necessary tool, sighing as he flopped down on the floor and unzipped the bag

Really, they needed a better system

It was getting hard to make these weekly trips, and with a baby on the way they may not be able to just head off every Monday night to their favorite supplier and get what they need for the house

They were going to have to get a bigger freezer in the basement or something....

Oh well, he'd discuss that with Viktor tommorrow, right now he was far too focused on turning on the bone saw and cutting through the skull of the man on the floor

Paralyzed with tetrodotoxin- AKA Pufferfish venom- there was no chance of Yuri having to chase his food, atleast

"Do you think Yuko suspects anything?" Viktor asked as he dropped two more bags onto the kitchen floor, the sound of the saw cutting through bone echoing in the kitchen with an annoying hum that grated on the ears of both men

"Yuko? No not at all, I'm sure she believed you, nice save by the way," Yuri answered smoothly, turning the saw off a moment later and setting it down, merely cracking the skull the rest of the way open with his bare hands

"Thank you, I just... want to be sure, I like it here Yuri, I don't want to move,"

"Vitenka, I really don't think that's going to be a problem," Yuri promised with a smile, his expression warming as Viktor reached into the kitchen drawer and got a fork for him, wile the brunette tore the skull cap entirely off to expose the fresh brain within

"Ok.... if you say so,"

"I do, you're worrying too much, wich is usually my job," Yuri teased, shoving his fork into the brain and tearing forward, quickly scooping several peices into his mouth and moaning at the taste

His eyes had turned from their usual lovely brown to a sickly, bloodshot red, and there were now thin black veins starting to make themselves known across his soft pale skin

A side effect that always happened when he was feeding, not unlike Viktor's own

"Good point," Viktor chuckled, lifting the body's wrist to his mouth and extending his fangs to peirce into the warm flesh below

The problem, the way Yuri saw it, was that brains were just too hard to keep fresh after death

Whereas blood could be preserved on ice for weeks after a person's death, a brain will only stay fresh for mere minutes, making brains far more difficult to keep a hearty supply of

Yes, there was freeze-drying, wich preserved _some_ of the nutrients zombies needed to stay alive (...well... dead.....) and healthy, wich was what they served at the restaurant, but it was comparable to trying to keep a human alive on nothing but frozen vegetables, a good side dish for sure but ultimately more protein would be required

And so far, Yuri just hadn't figured out a way to keep brains alive long enough to keep a decent stock of, and their freezer was only big enough to store six, MAYBE seven bodies at a time too....

"Something on your brain dear?"

Oh Viktor loved that pun, Yuri couldn't really blame him for it

"Just... wondering how Yura always has such a good stock of these things," Yuri replied absently as he took another bite

Viktor had nearly drained the body of blood already, given how quickly the brain was turning...

"Finding utter scumbags like abusers and rapists? In today's culture, not very difficult I imagine," Viktor laughed in return, his eyes a bright, stunning ruby shade like they always were when he fed

"I meant keeping them alive and preserved for so long wile he waits on clients to pick them up," Yuri corrected

"Oh..... you know, I think he keeps them on a farm, let's them roam freely and all that, very humane,"

Yeah... somehow the words "humane" and "Yuri Plisetsky" didn't quite go together but Yuri wouldn't question it for now

"Mm.... maybe we should get one of those then, or a barn atleast, gotta work better than the freezer..."

"Darling, if we put a barn up in our yard, then Yuko would DEFINITELY get suspicious, and I don't want to have to kill her," Viktor laughed

"No no, ofcourse not," Yuri agreed, stabbing his fork into the brain again

"Yuko is our freind, and freinds are not food,"

The brain on the end of his fork, on the other hand, most certainly _was_


End file.
